Grieving families share message that you are never alone

“His eyes and his smile he was the best. He was hard working. He loved hard he played hard. He didn’t struggle with addictions, but he did struggle with depression.”

Ashly says Brandon’s depression was on and off again, but as a team, they always got past it.

Brandon died by suicide in May.

“I never saw any reason, he never saw any reason, family, friends. He never confessed anything to any of us that he was hurting,” Ashly said.

Brandon Niwa (photo courtesy Ashly Niwa)

Just two months later, in July, his friend Ryan Pancoast also died by suicide.

His wife Jordan says Ryan was a family man and a caring person who didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems.

“Ryan was amazing. He was the kindest, funniest guy. He would give the shirt off his back. He was the first person if you needed help you could call Ryan and he would be there in a drop of a hat. He was an involved father; he didn’t miss any of the kids’ events, he coached hockey. Loving husband. We just adored him,” Jordan added.

Pancoast Family (photo courtesy Jordan Pancoast)

Ryan opened up to Jordan three years ago, and since then he was seeking help and tried many ways to battle his depression.

“He could barely tell me. It was very difficult for him to open up to me as his spouse. So we just have to make that easier. It’s absolutely heartbreaking for them to struggle in silence. And they just need to know that people are here and people care and there are ways out of the situation that seems quite hopeless at the time,” she said.

Jordan says she doesn’t know the courage it takes to open up and be extremely vulnerable.

“But I just have to say from my experience when Ryan did open up to me, I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t embarrassed, I wasn’t any of those things that I think he was worried about. I was honoured he chose me to open up to and it was just like a fight. Like the fire was started, and I’m going to help you. We’re going to fix this and we’re going to get you through,” Jordan added.

One message from the two families is that there’s always someone you can reach out to who cares, no matter the size of your own family or circle of friends.

And they say it’s vital to check in with the ones you love and care about.

Ashly says there are not always signs and symptoms, “There is not always an addiction behind it and some people just carry the burden a lot more gracefully.”

Jordan feels their stories are helping men realize that it’s okay to open up about depression and mental health.

She says it’s a disease, and we need to do better at trying to support people who are struggling.

“It doesn’t make people weak to have it and there’s nothing you did wrong. So I just want to get that out there that it can also happen to people with a good circle of friends and family and things to live for,” Jordan adds.

Pancoast family (photo courtesy Jordan Pancoast)

But the pain for those here does not go away and the toll is heart-wrenching.

“I’ve lost four of my best friends in two months,” says friend Jeremy Daffy. “It’s a game-breaker like it messes you up. I haven’t been the same since, since Brandon.”

Brandon’s sister Lindsay Niwa says your life is forever changed, “And I think we just need to really focus on the survivors because it’s so devastating.”

If you are struggling, the families plead to keep fighting, because whether you know it or not, you are so loved.

“Just don’t do it. Just hold on. Reach out. Go minute by minute. That’s all you can promise is minute by minute,” Ashly told Chat News.

Brandon & Ashly Niwa (photo courtesy Ashly Niwa)

Ashly also told Chat News in a message about her husband Brandon:

“He was the love of my life. The greatest thing in my whole world.

He was a good man. Loyal. To friends and family. He was charismatic. If you knew him. You loved him. He loves making people laugh and smile. He was the funny guy, the offside guy- but the guy you could go to for anything in the world- and he’d keep your darkest secrets safe. He was the guy that stays connected and reached out to everyone. Friendship meant a lot to him.

He was a very kind and loving husband. He was perfect. Vices and virtues.

He did not have an addiction problem. I do not believe this was planned. At all.”

The community gathered on Thursday, September 10 for World Suicide Prevention Day.

A candlelit vigil was held at Riverside Veterans’ Memorial Park.

If you or someone you know is in crisis resources are available. In the case of an emergency dial 9-1-1. The Alberta Mental Health Help Line can be reached at 1-877-303-2642. The Kids Help Phone can be reached at 1-800-668-6868.

by Chantal Wagner

Grieving families share message that you are never alone

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