By Canadian Mental Health Association

If there are so many of us, then why the heck does it feel so lonely?

Jan 13, 2020 | 9:25 AM

CJ Silver LPN

Caregiver Connections -Peer Facilitator

Canadian Mental Health Association

“You need to show her who’s boss.”, “There is no way I’d put up with that.”, “He’ll eat when he’s hungry.” “You give her too much attention.”, “Just make him do it.”, “You’re too soft on her.”, “If you ignore him, he’ll get the message.”, “She’s just manipulating you.”, “You need to lay down the law.”, “If my kid did that, I’d kill him.”

Even before my oldest child was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and anxiety, I already knew there was something different about him. I couldn’t relate to the struggles and triumphs of other parents who also had kids his age. None of the experts’ parenting advice worked, and my path felt lonely and isolated. Extreme behaviors, emotional meltdowns, and my own parental fears that he would end up homeless, in jail, or worse, were met with the kind of advice that was unhelpful at best and abusive at worst.

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In any given year, 1 in 5 people in Canada will personally experience a mental health problem or illness. Considering the average family has 4 members, that means nearly 80% of households are struggling! When faced with a mental health issue, addiction, or other diagnosis affecting our kids, teens, or adult children, we often wonder how best to parent and provide support. Families impacted by a mental health concern or diagnosis can find it particularly difficult to get the help they need. The Canadian Mental Health Association, Alberta Southeast Region in Medicine Hat (CMHA-ASER), in partnership with the Ministry of Children’s Services has teamed up with Medicine Hat Public Library (MHPL) and Medicine Hat College (MHC) to make peer-facilitated support and resources available. Caregiver Connections is a support program for anyone supporting a child or adult struggling with their mental health or addictions, whether or not they have an official diagnosis.

Research tells us that peer-facilitated support programs, like Caregiver Connections, help to increase emotional support for families, reducing isolation, shame, and blame, assisting families in navigating systems of care, improving awareness of resources, and promoting and developing tools for self-care. With so many benefits, it just makes sense that any parents who find themselves struggling would want to participate. Unfortunately in Medicine Hat some old mind-sets still prevail, and a lot of us hold the outdated notion that seeking help and support mean you’re weak. Nothing could be further from the truth! It takes courage and strength to reach out, make a connection, and fight the stigma of mental health problems by admitting that your life may not be as perfect as your Facebook profile or Instagram account make it seem.

As the years go by and my son enters his pre-teens, the gap between he and his peers has become a chasm. While most parents of youth and young adults are worried about grades, dating, or driving, the rest of us are left worrying about bedwetting, addictions, depression or anxiety, and suicide attempts.

If you feel scared for your child’s future, confused about the next steps, or are carrying around parental guilt over your inability to ‘fix’ the problem or a belief that you somehow caused the issues, please join us on Thursday evenings from 3pm-5pm. Caregiver Connections meets downstairs at the library in the Legion room where we can enjoy coffee, tea, goodies from McBride’s Bakery, and explore our shared experiences. Parents and caregivers are encouraged to drop in whenever they need some extra support. Peer-to-peer conversations are guided according to the needs of the participants with the opportunity to explore relevant Caregiver Connections materials each week as we identify issues and ask questions relevant to our experiences. A CMHA staff member hosting the group will be able to connect you to resources in our community. As a trained peer with lived experience, I support parents and caregivers as they learn how to best take care of themselves, ask for help when necessary, and learn about the importance of boundaries. Caregiver Connections is a safe place to gather together for shared stories, networking, education, resources, and support, and the best part is, it’s absolutely free of charge.

In addition to running open drop-in chats at the library, Caregiver Connections is gearing up to begin our closed-group skills-based course offered through partnership between CMHA and MHC. This program was developed for those looking to learn concrete skills and techniques that can be brought home to our families to support our loved ones along their mental health journey. The spots in this program are limited, and registration is required.

Caregiver Connections ensures that no one in Medicine Hat needs to walk this road alone. Please come drop in at the library on Thursday evenings 3pm-5pm. Even if you think this group may not be the fit for you, we can point you in the direction of the one that is!

CJ Silver is the Peer Facilitator for Caregiver Connections at Canadian Mental Health Association, Alberta Southeast Region and can be reached at 403-504-1811. To find out more about CMHA programs and/or events visit www.cmha-aser.ca. If you are in crisis, call the Distress Centre at (403) 1-800-784-2433