Not Alone: A story of elder abuse

“She showed me what was going on and I was appalled. I cried for days and at times I thought I was the only one that was going through it,” Carol says. “There was a nest egg, gone. So it was not very good for me. I wondered how I was going to do the rest of my life because I had saved for that.”

Those who were caring for Carol made her believe nothing was wrong. Thousands of dollars were taken from her each day.

“I was made to be comfortable, and thinking that I didn’t have to do anything; everybody would do for me,” says Carol.

Her caring nature was being taken advantage of, both financially and emotionally.

“A simple ‘I love you, mom’ does it for me, and I turn to mush, and then I start giving until it hurts.”

Despite trying to change the way she kept her personal banking information private, her abusers continued to take advantage of her.

“They knew exactly where I kept things,” Carol says. “So they went in anyway and took what they needed. Or what they wanted, I’m sorry. Not what they needed, because they needed it for nothing. I paid for everything.”

Even after Carol learned of the abuse and confronted those responsible, it was brushed aside.

“I faced them and said ‘What happened?’ and they went on to another subject, of course, to draw me away from what was happening.”

Thankfully, a close group of friends were able to point her in the direction of resources she could rely on to show her she was not alone.

According to a study done in 2015, around nine per cent of seniors reportedly suffer from one or more forms of elder abuse in Alberta each year. That means more than 70,000 older adults in the province are experiencing abuse at any given time. Organizations across the province are making sure this important subject is brought to light.

The Alberta Elder Abuse Awareness Council has been providing access to a wide network of services and professionals to older adults for 20 years. Shantel Ottenbreit is chair of the council, and says those dealing with abuse may not come forward due to shame or guilt, or because they are unsure of where to turn.

“Sometimes it’s difficult just even for them to determine who they should speak to, even if they are experiencing it,” Ottenbreit says.

Ottenbreit says it’s key to be able to connect people to the right resources.

“It’s so important for our older adults that they know they have a place they can go to get support, and to get back to a place of well-being, and feeling supported within their own communities.”

Support doesn’t just stop with raising awareness and providing access. Training programs are available for those in the community who want to help. Pat Power is part of It’s Not Right, a program designed to educate neighbours, friends and family about recognizing signs of abuse and taking small steps within the community that are safe and respectful.

Power says in addition to training, the community is educated on how ageism plays a large role in abuse.

“That is a factor that can lead to abuse, and then increase abuse, because of the value we don’t place on older adults,” Power says.

With the help of these resources, legal aid, as well as friends, Carol has been able to take action against her abusers.

“I was able to go this far as to go to court, and have them pay back partial what they were taking.”

Carol’s story is a difficult but important one to tell. Bringing awareness to what she had gone through and showing that others are not alone was the reason she came forward.

“We have to talk about it because it’s important that people know about abuse, that anyone and everyone can and will, or maybe not, go through. But when it happens to you, it makes it very relevant.”

Carol continues to work with the justice system to get back the rest of what was stolen from her, as she begins to rebuild the trust lost during her time of abuse.

If you or someone you know are suffering from some form of elder abuse, you can reach out anonymously to the Alberta Elder Abuse Awareness Council at albertaelderabuse.ca.

by Gates Guarin

Not Alone: A story of elder abuse

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